I am NO ONE's sidekick

- Frank - 26 - Taken & in Love <3 - Bronx, New York -
Still trying to figure out who I'm supposed to be in this life. I am a college graduate with a part time job who is back in school studying stenography (hoping to make a lot of money someday). My true passions are art, writing, reading, and gaming. I live with my brother and my amazing and beautiful girlfriend Barbara (who I actually met here on tumblr!). We have an amazing story and a lovely life together =]

Stuff you'll see on my blog:
[X] Lots of fantasy/medieval artwork
[X] Fantasy and science fiction things in general
[X] Celtic and Nordic things
[X] Mythology and history
[X] The Elder Scrolls
[X] Vikings
[X] A Song of Ice and Fire
[X] Dragon Age
[X] Sherlock
[X] Joe Abercrombie's books
[X] Star Wars (original trilogy only)
[X] The Walking Dead
[X] Lord of the Rings
[X] Mass Effect
[X] Game of Thrones
[X] Lots of cute animals
[X] Face Off on the Syfy Channel
[X] Nature (trees, mountains. etc.)
[X] New York Rangers Hockey
[X] Stand-up Comedy
[X] Christopher Hitchens quotes
[X] Lots of Dawkins and Sam Harris
[X] Left-leaning political ideas
[X] Science and technology
[X] Anti-religious sentiments
[X] Philosophy and psychology
[X] Pro-choice / pro-gay rights
[X] Disdain for cultural pride and nationalism
[X] World War II history
[X] Posts that are overall funny

Moon of My Life

The Inner Machinations of My Mind

This handsome son of a bitch :)

Click to view my Personality Profile page
Posts I Like
Posts tagged "hysterical"
demontadark:

wendygirlyoumoveme:

WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT BUY HERITAGE BRAND CHEESE SINGLES LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY HORRIFIC MORNING
TODAY I DECIDED I WANTED SOME GRILLED CHEESE SO I PULLED OUT OF THE FRIDGE THIS PACKET OF SINGLES THAT MY MOM BOUGHT AT SOME CHEAPO STORE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING SANDED WASTELANDS (AKA WINCO) 
I TOOK THESE THINGS OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND IMMEDIATELY THEY WOULDN’T FUCKING OPEN.  YOU KNOW THAT SMOOTH SLIDE YOU GET WHEN YOU OPEN UP A KRAFT SINGLE?  FUCKING NONE OF THAT.  THEY WRAPPING WAS LITERALLY PART OF THE CHEESE AND IT HAD BEEN TORN TO SHREDS BY THE TIME IT LANDED ON MY SANDWICH.
THAT WAS THE SECOND RED FLAG.  THE FIRST WAS THAT IT SAID &#8220;IMITATION PASTEURIZED PROCESS CHEESE FOOD" ON THE FRONT. THEY THROW IMITATION OUT THERE IN FRONT LIKE A FUCKING DISCLAIMER, BUT THEY ADD “FOOD&#8221; JUST TO REASSURE YOU THAT YEAH, THIS SHOULD BE EDIBLE.
THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SO SLIMY TO THE TOUCH I WOULD THINK THAT A FUCKING SLUG EJACULATED ON THEM IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.  ACTUALLY, THAT’S NOT VERY FAR-FETCHED GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.
I SMELLED THESE PIECES OF SHIT AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA I INSTANTLY REGRETTED BECAUSE THE FRAGRANCE THAT ASSAULTED MY NOSTRILS WAS THAT OF PLASTIC.  THE KIND MY DINOSAUR ACTION FIGURES WERE MADE OF AS A KID.  I WAS IMMEDIATELY TAKEN TO MY CHILDHOOD, A BETTER PLACE WHERE MY SANDWICHES DIDN’T LOOK LIKE SATAN SPAWN AFTER I WAS DONE COOKING THEM.
AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT I PUT CHEESE’S MENTALLY UNSTABLE STEP-COUSIN ON THE BREAD AND GRILLED THAT SHIT IN A BUBBLING PAN OF BUTTER, HOPING TO CHRIST THAT I WOULD GET SOME DECENT ABSTINENCE IN ME WITHOUT PROJECTILE VOMITING.  I WAS WRONG.  I WAS SO WRONG.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS, BUT CHEESE TYPICALLY MELTS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON BREAD AND IN A FUCKING PAN WITH THE HEAT TURNED UP.  WHEN MINE DID NOT AFTER THE BREAD WAS NEAR BURNED TO A CRISP, I DECIDED TO BREAK THE UNIVERSAL LAWS OF CHEESE GRILLING AND PUT MY SANDWICH IN THE MICROWAVE.
AFTER MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE IT WAS NOT MELTED BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS.  THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT I WOULD PROBABLY BEEN MUCH MORE EXCITED TO EAT THE STUFFING.
DON’T BUY THESE ASSHOLES AND THEIR FAKE, CHEESY, DISGUSTING LIES.

I should be horrified but your fucking descriptions are making my hack up a lung in laughter

Reblogging for this: &#8220;BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS" 

demontadark:

wendygirlyoumoveme:

WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT BUY HERITAGE BRAND CHEESE SINGLES LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY HORRIFIC MORNING

TODAY I DECIDED I WANTED SOME GRILLED CHEESE SO I PULLED OUT OF THE FRIDGE THIS PACKET OF SINGLES THAT MY MOM BOUGHT AT SOME CHEAPO STORE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING SANDED WASTELANDS (AKA WINCO) 

I TOOK THESE THINGS OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND IMMEDIATELY THEY WOULDN’T FUCKING OPEN.  YOU KNOW THAT SMOOTH SLIDE YOU GET WHEN YOU OPEN UP A KRAFT SINGLE?  FUCKING NONE OF THAT.  THEY WRAPPING WAS LITERALLY PART OF THE CHEESE AND IT HAD BEEN TORN TO SHREDS BY THE TIME IT LANDED ON MY SANDWICH.

THAT WAS THE SECOND RED FLAG.  THE FIRST WAS THAT IT SAID “IMITATION PASTEURIZED PROCESS CHEESE FOOD" ON THE FRONT. THEY THROW IMITATION OUT THERE IN FRONT LIKE A FUCKING DISCLAIMER, BUT THEY ADD “FOOD” JUST TO REASSURE YOU THAT YEAH, THIS SHOULD BE EDIBLE.

THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WERE SO SLIMY TO THE TOUCH I WOULD THINK THAT A FUCKING SLUG EJACULATED ON THEM IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.  ACTUALLY, THAT’S NOT VERY FAR-FETCHED GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.

I SMELLED THESE PIECES OF SHIT AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA I INSTANTLY REGRETTED BECAUSE THE FRAGRANCE THAT ASSAULTED MY NOSTRILS WAS THAT OF PLASTIC.  THE KIND MY DINOSAUR ACTION FIGURES WERE MADE OF AS A KID.  I WAS IMMEDIATELY TAKEN TO MY CHILDHOOD, A BETTER PLACE WHERE MY SANDWICHES DIDN’T LOOK LIKE SATAN SPAWN AFTER I WAS DONE COOKING THEM.

AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT I PUT CHEESE’S MENTALLY UNSTABLE STEP-COUSIN ON THE BREAD AND GRILLED THAT SHIT IN A BUBBLING PAN OF BUTTER, HOPING TO CHRIST THAT I WOULD GET SOME DECENT ABSTINENCE IN ME WITHOUT PROJECTILE VOMITING.  I WAS WRONG.  I WAS SO WRONG.

I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS, BUT CHEESE TYPICALLY MELTS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON BREAD AND IN A FUCKING PAN WITH THE HEAT TURNED UP.  WHEN MINE DID NOT AFTER THE BREAD WAS NEAR BURNED TO A CRISP, I DECIDED TO BREAK THE UNIVERSAL LAWS OF CHEESE GRILLING AND PUT MY SANDWICH IN THE MICROWAVE.

AFTER MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE IT WAS NOT MELTED BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS.  THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THAT I WOULD PROBABLY BEEN MUCH MORE EXCITED TO EAT THE STUFFING.

DON’T BUY THESE ASSHOLES AND THEIR FAKE, CHEESY, DISGUSTING LIES.

I should be horrified but your fucking descriptions are making my hack up a lung in laughter

Reblogging for this: “BUT INSTEAD RESEMBLED A PAIR OF CAKEY COUCH CUSHIONS THAT SOMEONE HAD PUT THEIR DICK INSIDE AND FUCKED SO HARD THEY NEEDED A DENTIST TO GET THE STUFFING OUT OF THEIR ESOPHAGUS

(via cautiouslybodacious)

weenlebowski:

wefellinlove:

mrmosbyisgettingtiredofyourshit:

Post it notes from a stay-at-home dad

(part 1)

This is adorable.

LMAO the Katniss one!

These are excellent. 

(via plasticandmetal)

franq-art:

lackyannie:

crayolasky:

thefingerfucker:

loveofotaku:

videohall:

What if Guys and Girls changed dating roles

this. is amazing. 

this is kinda hysterical

This is perfect.

OMG lmfaooooo “that thing with the other guy?!” “Well yeah, if you get me the jacket.” “WRAP IT UP!”

LOL goodlord, half of this is me with my ex. Oops. I’d totally dutch-oven somebody, but that’s just cuz I’m classy, amirite?

Uncontrollable laughter. 

(via poisoninja)

I have no words

(via bigtuna108)

chakwas:

goddamnhella:

Worst Movie Death Scene Ever

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

creatorpreserverdestroyer:

divineirony:

James Randi debunks an Astrologer with the help of Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry.

Watch an astrologer get intellectually bitch-slapped by Stephen Fry.

This is pretty funny, the beginning is hard to hear though. 

(via ofallmediums)

I&#8217;m laughing so hard right now, I can&#8217;t breathe. 

I’m laughing so hard right now, I can’t breathe. 

(via killmo-deactivated20130307)

obiwanjakoby:

WERE YOU FUCKING DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD AS A CHILD I DONT CARE HOW BIG YOUR SHIT IS YOU DONT HOLD IT AND TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE

I can’t stop laughing. 

(via ayo-bacon)

loki-though:

damnthatswhatshesaid:

The friend that opens the umbrella behind you so you can be a dilophosaurus is the best friend you’ll ever have.

I can’t handle this right now

LOL

(via sconesandtexting)

kcalogero:

this is what my sister’s boyfriend does to her…

This is really great. I wish I was this creative. 

(via skinny-little-witch)

A Christian asked what it was like to be an atheist. I asked him if he believed in Islam. He said, “no.” I said, “Like that”

odesagrace:

anomaly1:

goddamazon:

peecharrific:

brokeymcpoverty:

thedailywhat:

Troll Dad of the Day: So YouTuber vegasnutzz’s 3-year-old daughter asked him why some of her Barbies were white while others were black. “Jokingly,” he says, “I replied that all little girls turn black on their 4th birthday” (his daughter’s birthday being a week away).

She did not take the “news” very well.

[reddit.]

well that made me uncomfortable.

yay for more White People Do Stupid Shit of The Day!

oh “my little racist 3 year old!”

ZOMG SO FUNNEH! ZOMG!

white people, do better plz.

…………………………….

Whats wrong with being dark skinned!!!!!

AWWWWWWW She’s so cuuuute! How funny is her dad!!
I’m like chocolate ^_^

First of all, this is fucking hysterical lol, and secondly, there was nothing racist about this. Anyone who was offended by this need only watch it again. Take notice that the little girl had no problem with the idea of having dark brown skin when the father told her that she’d be the color of chocolate; she was just afraid that she was going to turn the color of the sky at night. NOW, I don’t know about anyone else on Tumblr BUT, I don’t know anyone who is the color of the dark night sky. Unless your skin has been CHARRED and BLACKENED, you have nothing to be offended about. It’s a funny video, grow the fuck up.

(via tittytastic)

anastasiaeatscities:

same

I’m laughing uncontrollably right now.

carpediemtomorrow:

:’)

I GET IT NOW!!

(via atheistconnect)